Most parents worry when their children don’t listen to them; they think they have failed and start to wonder if the children care about how they (the parents) feel.
These situations with children leave most parents mentally and physically exhausted and sometimes, regretful of their reactions to their children in the instances where they felt defied.
One thing you must always keep in mind is that being a parent is perhaps one of the most tasking job descriptions in the world because children are fragile and very impressionable. While there are no exact formulas that will work for every child – because they all have different personalities and orientation – there are steps that you can take to help make the relationship with your child a more peaceful and effective one.
Studies have shown that there are a number of issues that cause children to behave in unpleasant ways; understanding these issues will go a long way in helping you understand and manage the issues more effectively than you might previously have.
It is harder to manage toddlers because they are at a stage where they are curious about everything and have no idea about the laws of gravity. They want to go everywhere and touch everything because at that point, they do not really understand the concept of danger. You are probably used to seeing crawling children try to climb impossible objects and play with things that might harm them because they are not aware of possible dangers.
The best measure to take in such instances is to make as many areas in your home as child-proof as you can and explain to your child why you need to take those measures. Kids of all ages need to be spoken to properly and politely so they don’t feel you’re blowing them off. You could tell your child something like, “I understand that the oven looks like a fun machine to play with and the dials look fun to turn, but turning the dials releases gas into the house and that’s dangerous because it can hurt us and the people around us.”
Children do not understand it when you are in a hurry; they live in right now and are mostly not worried about what happened yesterday or what will happen later today. You will notice sometimes that when you’re getting your child ready for school, they’ll not be in as much of a hurry as you are. They might want to continue playing with their toys and will not understand why they have to put it down. While this can be trying for your patience and your time, try as calmly as you can to make them understand why they need to come with you and try to offer a solution. But whatever you do, don’t lie to them or make false promises.
The big picture is explaining to your children why doing certain things is bad and give them a sense of responsibility. For example, your child might like to play on furniture and jump on chairs. Let them know that jumping on furniture can spoil it; make them understand that it is bad to damage things because things are paid for with money you earn.
Shopping malls are like heaven for children – and a lot of adults. If you walk into a store with your child, they’ll see a million things they want you to buy for them. How you handle things at this point is very important because some children will want to throw a fit to get what they want. Explain to the child that they can get a new gift once in maybe a month or two, and they can write a list of the other things they want, in the order they want them. Don’t let your child get used to getting things done their way because they have sulked or cried about something. Let them understand that throwing a tantrum will not only make them less likely to get what they want, it will also earn them unpleasant consequences.
Teach your child to express himself/herself with words and not impulsive outbursts. Let them learn that being upset and destroying their toys for example, will not increase their chances of having anything done in their favour. Let them know that it’s rude to talk back or walk away when being spoken to and create appropriate measures for instances where they are rude.
Always give your children choices so they feel like they are part of the planning process. For example, instead of telling your child to wear a particular ensemble, put out two ensembles for them and let them pick the one they prefer; this way, they feel like they are dressing themselves and will not be quick to say no to a particular ensemble; let them be as much of a part of the planning process as possible.
Let your child understand that doing things the wrong way will not bring them the results they desire if they are not polite and respectful.
It is important to remember that children are always watching you. You will notice that sometimes, people in families have similar traits; apart from genes, behavioural patterns pass from parents to children because as they grow up, children watch their parents and try to emulate some things they see. For example, your child might use certain expressions/exclamations s/he has heard you using. No matter how angry and upset you are, try to not use foul words when speaking to your child. If children come home from school using certain words that you do not like, let them understand why it is bad to use such words without losing your cool or banishing them from saying certain things.
When you understand that your child acts a certain way normal to the age they are, you will be more patient to helping them grow through that stage without getting used to behaving badly. A child who feels respected will also show respect. Remember also, that issuing threats is a bad idea. Don’t always say things like “I will beat you” to keep your child from doing certain things. This might cause more harm than good as eventually, they will get used to the empty threats and do whatever it is that they were going to do.
Even when these threats are not empty, there’s only so much corporal punishment can do. The key is always to start early. Don’t assume a child is too young to learn. Children who are as little as five months old can already tell certain things; pay attention to them.
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